He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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