I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
