I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the day after is always just damage control
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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