Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
