im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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