oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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