I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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