So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
