oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
