so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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