i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
