did you get engaged???
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
