i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Even my vagina gasped.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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