His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
