I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
