The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
