yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
as a side note pls kill me
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
