I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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