Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
