i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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