would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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