He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
