There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
