I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
