just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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