Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
