Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
