she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
