Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
