Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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