okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
