How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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