Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
