So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
