im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
