Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this boner is exhausting
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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