so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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