My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sober January is a disaster.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
