He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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