3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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