I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
