You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
