people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
