I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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