I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
