If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
