Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
