there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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