Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
