Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
