I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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