I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
