I have demons in me.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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