dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
