Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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